Being a Mamma…
From the moment Sebastian took his very first breath I was hooked, I looked to that tiny face that was so familiar yet so unknown and my heart exploded with love. I marvelled in the miracle, that I had grown and created the most perfect little boy, you could ever imagine. My body had done that.. Me!
From that moment, as I cut the umbilical cord, watching the physical connection between us break, I felt the attachment in our hearts grow stronger, I knew I would never want him to leave my sight and that even though he was so tiny and vulnerable and needed me for everything, I needed him so much more. I could, would and still do watch him with amazement, I watch him explore the world around us and it makes me appreciate it so much more, to see him find wonder in a stone or a blade of grass, really makes me value the world we live in.
I’ve spent hours huddled in the darkness watching him sleep, watching his little chest rise and fall, his face so peaceful. Seeing the kind lovely boy he is becoming fills me with pride.
Some people may not understand the way I parent, the way every thought and decision I make I put my boy first, I like to keep him close, nobody knows him like I do. If I ever have to leave him, there has to be a really good reason to do so. I choose to have nights in rather than out, so I know I can still put him to bed. I’d rather have a lazy family day doing nothing in particular than have an exciting adult day out with my girlfriends or Dadda. I turn down countless offers for baby sitters, choosing to stay at home, even with him sleeping upstairs, I just like to know if he needed me, I would be there.
This time is so precious, we won’t get it again, I treasure every moment. The high I get when I walk through the front door after a long day at work, to hear him shout Mamma from which ever room he’s in and come running to meet me is greatest feeling, it’s like all worries and stresses from my day are wiped away with him throwing his arms around me, almost knocking me over.
Of course we have bad days, when it seems like he has fought me every step of the way, when bedtime can’t come soon enough, but I wouldn’t change it… not for all the tea in china.