Leaving you…

My Darling Boy…

For the first time in a long time I shed a tear when I left you this morning. I’ll miss something today, you will learn a new word or skill and I won’t be there to see it. I thought I was getting better at this, and I’m counting down the days now until my maternity leave starts, but leaving you has always been hard.

From the moment you took your first breath, you had my heart forever, you became my everything. Suddenly I knew exactly what I was supposed to do with my life; I was supposed to be a Mamma. I never wanted us to be apart, I don’t want to waste a single second. For two months before I went back to work I cried every day at the thought of leaving you.

You are coming on so much at the moment, you have gone from being so quiet and serious to a funny little chatterbox in a few short weeks, we can now have a conversation with your limited vocabulary, and it makes me so proud watching you learn and grow every day. You repeat words and sounds with such accuracy, a word from the radio or an adult conversation; it just pops out of your mouth. Complicated lovely words like Umbrella and Obviously.

This morning you had me in stiches in our cuddle time, before I have to get up for work.

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“Mamma needs to get up for work now”

            “No…. Cuddle”

“It’s ok, Mammas off tomorrow, we can have fun all day tomorrow”

            “Yes”

“It’s Mammas birthday tomorrow”

            “Yes”

“Have you got Mamma a nice present?”

            “Yes”

“Is it a surprise?”

            “Yes…. Cuddle”

“Oooo I wonder what it could be?”

            “Car!”

“A car??? Oh wow!”

            “Yes! Wow!”

“Mamma really needs to get ready for work now…”

            “No…. Cuddle”

You didn’t want me to go this morning and kept asking for cuddle, after cuddle, usually you will quite happily give me a quick bye-bye, a kiss and cuddle and will continue with your morning cup of milk and toys. Instead you ran after me to the door saying No and asking for cuddles, it really broke my heart to leave you, and as you stood on the door step waving furiously as I backed down the drive a silent tear rolled down my cheek.

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