Being a full time working, full time pregnant Mamma is like running around trying to give all the aspects of my life the very best I can be, but actually delivering something very far from it.
I spend at least 55 hours a week either at work or commuting between there and home. This leaves me with 113 hours at home. Sebastian sleeps for 84 of those hours, leaving me with just 29 hours a week, to be the best Mamma I can be. Gosh I try!
I try to make those precious hours filled with love, laughter and learning. Trying to give him some memories to call his own before our family becomes one bigger. I am constantly trying to make my own memories, of this special time together, when he held my every thought. I try to have as many adventures as we can in those precious hours and here are some photos from our recent fun.
Then the guilt starts to creep in, guilt that the house is a tip, guilt that the washing hasn’t been done for another day, guilt that Dadda & I haven’t had any baby free time since before Sebastian was born, guilt that I just don’t feel to be as excited about the baby I am growing as I was last time, that every wriggle and kick isn’t something to be relished and enjoyed.
And I try to utilise my remaining time the best that I can, muddling through fighting the exhaustion of work, running around after a toddler, having my resources & energy sapped by a tiny baby growing away inside. Trying to keep a happy home and a happy relationship!
Then something has to give…
Yesterday was one of those days… I came to work with the car seat still in my car, so Dadda couldn’t get Sebastian to the child minders or to work. I had my development review at work and had to fight the tears while discussing why ive not hit all my targets yet completely exceeded others. We tried to go out for tea to a local pub as Dadda had the evening off work too, and the meal was awful. By the time we got home I was tired and grouchy and miserable. I also haven’t washed my hair in nearly two weeks. GRIM. I thank the lords for dry shampoo.
This is not the type of parent I want to be. I want to have it all, I want to rule the world, be a prefect wife, a perfect mother but more importantly a perfect ME.
I intend to continue working right up until a week before my due date. Luckily I have enough holidays left to allow me to drop two days a week at work so soon hopefully I will have more time, a bit more of me to go around, to relax and re-charge the batteries before we become a family of four.